


Ddraig VS Albion Origins: Chest vs Waist

by Composcreator



Category: Highschool DxD
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, One-Shot, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 19:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8173999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Composcreator/pseuds/Composcreator
Summary: Originally copy on fanfic. Directly taken from the word document. No adjustments made.Consider this a present to all my readers. My own crackpot theory on why the two Heavenly Dragons started fighting long ago. Not to be taken seriously, but it is based on what has happened so far in the Light Novels





	

**This is for all those who have put me or my works on their follow/favorites listings. Thank you for sticking with me despite my lack of updates.**

**Now, let me present to you an original theory on the origins of the legendary battle between Ddraig and Albion.**

**I originally had this with the chapter I am currently working on for Wizard DxD as an omake, but I decided to go ahead and post it separately since it is not actually part of that story and would probably cause confusion.**

**The following takes place in the original DxD universe after volume 17.**

**I do not own High School DxD.**

Rias and her group were finally leaving the school for the Hyoudou mansion. With them was the Student Council so that they could help with the preparations for a DxD meeting to discuss recent events. Oddly enough, Issei was not with them, having headed back home much earlier claiming that “something came up”. The group was eventually joined by Azazel, who had just finished up some actual school work for once, which is why he was at the school for so long.

As they walked in to the home, they called out the standard greeting but received no response. Growing concerned the group made their way to the living room. The sight they met was one that shocked them deeply.

Sitting across each other were Issei and Vali. That wasn’t the shocking part. What really shocked them was that the both of them were depressed! The both of them! Vali Lucifer, the strongest Hakuryuukou in all of history, was depressed! Just what could possibly due this to the both of them! Before they could voice their thoughts, Ddraig and Albion answered for them.

[<We finally remembered why we started fighting all those eons ago.>] they said in voices that were absolutely full of misery.

The ORC and STC were so shocked the bottom of their mouths nearly hit the floor. They finally remembered after all this time! But then they realized what their depressed state meant. Whatever the story was, it was not a proud one. Yet, they still wanted to know. Somehow, Issei realized this and began to tell the story causing everyone to grab a seat, eager to finally know the question that many had been asking for centuries.

_Flashback to middle of the Great War before God died_

It was getting close to that time of year that dragons both male and female looked forward to; mating season. In celebration of the expected carnal pleasures, male dragons gathered together for laughs, drinks, and feasts. These gatherings may have in fact been the origin of the human tradition known as bachelor parties since many of the male dragons would lose their single status by the end of the season.

As with any gathering of males from any species, especially when they get started on the alcohol, the talk ended up turning to women. Not only was this talk entertaining, but it also served as a hint to weaker dragons on which females the stronger dragons had their eye one (or to use a modern expression, “called dibs”) to avoid conflict. Two such renowned and powerful dragons happened to be at the same gathering at a spot that would later become known as Stonehenge due to the remains of the dragons’ tables being left there. Both of the Heavenly Dragons were slightly inebriated, having already had a few heavy drinks, by the time that conversation came around. When asked what he thought was most important about a female dragon, the red one did not waste a second in answering.

“It’s obviously the chest. For any dragon, it’s very important to be able to inhale a lot of air regardless if they actually breathe fire or some other element. The stronger and larger a dragon’s chest is, the more powerful their breath becomes. Therefore the ideal mate should be one with a great chest.”

“Foolish Ddraig.” Spoke the white one. “When it comes to deciding factors on an ideal mate, what’s most important is the waist. A dragon’s waist can tell you much about how powerful their legs are which is very important when taking off for flight. That should make it obvious the importance of a great waist.”

“What are you talking about Albion?” snorted the red one. “Even if your take off is good, you need strong lungs if you’re flying that high. What better way to tell if a girl has the lungs for it than by checking her chest?”

“Regardless, the waist is still important. It affects their stature when they stand on their hind legs as well as the power of their kicks. Women with powerful kicks and proper stature are very attractive.”

“As great as kicks may be, if they have a weak chest then that means their weak at long range combat. I prefer a woman who can dish out pain with a powerful blast of her breath. That’s what Tiamat so damn beautiful.”

“Fool! It is obviously her waist that makes her so lovely!” At this point, the other dragons had started backing away from the two not wanting to be in the way as shots were being fired.

“You bastard! Are you trying to move in on my woman?!”

“You’re woman! That’s a laugh! Last I checked she’s always turning you down!”

“Only because you keep on horning in when things get good!”

“Well maybe you just can’t accept that you have terrible luck with ladies when it comes to your behavior!”

“Oh that’s rich coming from the king of stuck of personalities!”

“At least I have a chance to sleep with Tiamat!”

“Like hell you do!”

“My words to you exactly!” With these words, Albion smashed one of the plates of Dragon Apple Pie into Ddraig's face. Damage wise it was completely ineffective. The insult, however, could not be ignored.

“That’s it! It’s time we settled who to true Heavenly Dragon is, you white asshole!”

“My thoughts exactly, you red necked buffoon!”

With that, the dragons began a battle of epic proportions.

“DDRAIG!!!!!!!!”

“ALBION!!!!!!!!”

And there was no end in sight.

The rest is history.

_Flashback End_

When the story ended, there was a full half hour of silence. Even the crickets were absolutely motionless. In the end, it was Azazel who broke the silence.

“So basically, Ddraig and Albion got into an argument about the most attractive part of a woman which turned into the great battle all mythical beings remember.” After he said this, Azazel immediately broke down laughing like a madman. While the others were right on the verge of doing the same, the managed to reign themselves in after seeing the reaction of the two dragon emperors.

Both of them actually curled into the fetal position, making sure to hide their faces! You could even see the tears leaving the wings of the Divine Dividing and the gauntlet of the Boosted Gear!

“No wonder the past souls of the sacred gears were turned by the attraction of breasts and ass!” Azazel managed to breathe out between laughs. “You really are deserving of the titles of chichiryuutei and ketsuryuukou!” At this, the ORC and STC could hold back their laughter no longer. Many of them ended up rolling on the floor themselves. Saji was actually pointing at the two, trying to say something but could not find the air to do so.

At this point, the dragon emperors stopped trying to hide their pain and began crying openly with their respective dragons.

“Vali! I’m so sorry! I never thought that this of all things would be the truth behind the Heavenly Dragons!”

“I am also sorry, Hyoudou Issei! I was the one who insisted on looking back into their memories this deeply!”

[Albion! If only we had realized this sooner, we could have stopped others from finding out!]

<There’s no point in lamenting about that now Ddraig! All we can do is everything to make sure people focus more on our greatness!>

“Vali!”

“Issei!”

[Albion!]

<Ddraig!>

 

**I’ve had this in my head for many months and ended up expanding it while typing it up. Go figure. Hope you found it as ridiculous and hilarious as I did when I thought it up!**

**That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!**


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